or you could set your config file to auto-set just p on new users not hp, then make a pub command like "!add-dcc nick". So when you want make the bot dcc someone, it adds them as a user, then dccs them.
but I would just leave it the way it is, and do it manually. If someone needs partyline access, just type .adduser nick (if the user is on the same channel the bot is on). and then let the user dcc from there.
if you were unable to connect, that means either the bot doesn't listen on that port, or there is some firewall problem - check the eggdrop forum for DCC/firewall solutions, you need to get a couple of things right (wasn't it you whom I was helping there a short while ago?)
as of implementing your own DCC CHAT instead of standard eggdrop partyline, it can be done in Tcl but you need to learn how to handle TCP socket connections first